The second and beyond

Yes, I’m writing the second book in the Sugarpuff trilogy. Scratch that. It’s written, and I’m deep in the editing process. And when I need a break from that, I’m laying out the sequence for book 3. I’m using some new software that I’m quite excited about, but I’ll have to talk more about that in a subsequent post.

This post is just a musing about where I’m at. Editing one, writing another and looking wistfully forward to my sabbatical next semester. It’s not that I don’t enjoy teaching. I do. But I find it challenging with all these thoughts in my head. It’s hard to find time to get them all out. It will be the semester of my dreams with full days to dream and do. When I can dream without hindrance. When I can do without roadblocks.

And that brings me to a new development; I’m working on a new series. I’ve got a lot of planning to do over the next month and a half if I’m going to hit the ground running in January. I’ll have to develop it in parallel with Sugarpuff book 3, but I think that feels like the easiest to manage distraction I’ve ever encountered. Two books is a breeze compared to a full semester of teaching and writing in the slivers of interim.

I’m optimistic and elated. More details forthcoming!

Jesse

Post Publishing Malaise

I’m no stranger to the post-success malaise. As a performing artist, I have experienced the thrill of a show, the rapture of performance, the joy of audience connection, and the elation of body chemistry—neurotransmitters, adrenaline, endorphins, oxytocin—only to wake up the next day and find myself in a slump.

It’s happened before, so it should be no surprise that it’s happening now, right after such a big event for me, except it’s different this time. If I keep the show metaphor going, I feel like all the planning and prep was done, all the practice, all the effort, even a dress rehearsal, and then, fast forward to the post show slump. I had all parts of the show, but not the show itself.

Planning, writing, editing all feel like practice for the show. Having the launch might be analogous to a dress rehearsal. But the real show is supposed to be your book in the hands of thousands of audience members. And there is supposed to be a moment of basking in the afterglow of a story well told—a story shared. It was great to have such a strong opening day. Lots of sales and many enthusiastic friends, but now I’m in the malaise of marketing, pressing, begging: Come and read my book!. It’s good. Experience this story with me!

If an artist paints a painting in the woods and no one is there to see it, is it still art?

Well, the answer is simple: It is still art. And just as valid. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

For now, the march must go on. I will steep myself in marketing misery and keep refreshing my browser and waiting for the curtains to open.

Sugarpuff is done!

Anyone who has ever attempted anything is well acquainted with the old adage that the work is never done. Well, for me, the work is done in some context because I finally published! That never-ending corner I referred to in an earlier post has finally been turned and I am proud to announce that my first novel, Sugarpuff and the Land Beneath the Cake has been published. You can find it on Amazon now!

I have more to muse on I suppose. For now the real work of marketing and promotion has begun, and, of course, finishing book 2. I am pleased to say that the novel has been written and had at least one alpha reader and is now in the refining stage.

So, is the work done? Yes. And no. But at least one-stage of the work has made it out into the wide world. Check it out!

Structure

There is little humor in looking back on one’s musings to find a year has slipped away with little progress. I was planning to finish the edit for book 2 a year ago. And here I am in a coffee shop over a year later, trying to push this book out the door. It’s the baby that will not be born or some other poorly devised metaphor.

I’ve learned so much about the craft of writing in the past few years. About organization, intent, clarity, easing bloat, finding voice, building character, corralling thoughts. Really, this whole journey has been therapy for my scatter-prone head. Realizing I’ve got to make time for what I want. And when I’ve made that time, organizing it and using it well. Structure.

I never thought I would say how much I crave structure. Wait, that’s not quite right. I don’t crave structure at all. Rather, I crave disaster. I desire mess. I long for undisciplined, unexamined, sliding through life. But I also love to make. And making takes structure. And so I find myself reaching for it in spite of my ill cravings for the antithesis.

How about you?

Quarantine

Okay, I have a lot of thoughts regarding the quarantine, but I’m not going to write about them here. Instead, I’ll just say that a few good things have come out of it.

• First, I had several performances cancelled. No, that’s not actually a good thing in itself, but the result was incredible: I suddenly had time! Time for my family, and maybe just not be on the run-constantly. Maybe I could get used to this.

• Second, while school was more challenging to teach online, and took quite a bit more preparation time and I scrambled to make it work, the new paradigm-shift taught me a lot about patience, directing group projects, and about teaching in general. I am now full of fresh ideas for the fall and am excited to prepare over the summer.

• Third, being quarantined at home made me a bit stir-crazy and, as an outlet, I’ve been pursuing several new mini-courses online, including illustration and motion design. (Yay Domestika.com)

Anyway, I have concerns for how this whole covid thing will turn out and I know a lot of people have been affected in many profound ways. For me, I’m trying to make the best of a bad situation. I hope you are too. Blessings.

On the Fence

So, I’ve done the edit forthe first novel of my middle grade trilogy and am making good progress on editing the second novel. I’m also zeroing in on finishing the book cover (that’s another story for another post). But pulling the trigger, that’s the awful part.

I think I’ve fully decided to go the Amazon publishing route, but find myself second-guessing. I think it’s the fear that it won’t sell; that people won’t like it; that I’ll have a million typos. Nobody wants their work to end up in failure—or worse, abject failure. I suppose its easier to stay in the void with a project than to release it into the wild and have it die. Or suffer ridicule. I want to keep it in my arms and nurture it forever.

It’s a nail-biting dilemma. I have the gun in my hand, but I can’t pull the trigger.

Squandering time

I don’t blog a lot here. And I don’t have any illusions that my thoughts are reaching thousands. I suppose I am writing for myself. And today, that may have paid off. As I opened the editor to make a post I glanced back at my second-to-last post about digging a hole and not coming out until I am published.

Shortly after I wrote that post, I was lured onto a group writing project that took countless hours of my time (and perhaps years off my life) and … well, let’s just say I’m glad that experience is behind me. And then I was plunged into the chaos of the next school year where personal projects are always back-burner. It is now, almost a year later, that I look back at that hole I dug only to find it full of rubble and cobwebs—the remnants of a contract unfulfilled.

Today I am writing as a way of facing my own mess. I squandered time that I had promised to myself and it’s me who has to pay. This is a note to me—you are stealing from yourself when you put your own work aside.

This is not to say I can’t help others, but I need to analyze my commitments and practice the art of saying no.

Querying agents

Oh, querying. How exciting, how terrifying! I’m going to apologize in advance for this meandering metaphor, which is broken at best and is likely ill-equipped to bear my legion of thoughts on the subject.

To quote myself on twitter:

I used to think of publishing as “turning a corner” in the development process. And it kind-of is. But that corner is no right-angled intersection! It folds in on itself, wrinkling into interdimensional space. Space upon space into infinity.

In truth, I tried querying once, but it was before I had polished the work and I gave up after a few rejections. But now, I have more confidence in my work and my ability to sell it. Not presumptive confidence per se, but I do believe in my work.

I think of querying as entering a quantum state in which the future fractions into quantum potentials, only eventually collapsing when an acceptance letter turns into a contract, turns into a physical book in my hands. I can weather a bit of fifth-dimensional uncertainty, but a small part of me, the part that is tied to time, feels the sting of that cloud of unmet potential.

Mortal beings don’t fare well in quantum bubbles—especially after escaping the endless bubble of conception-to-creation. When the work is done, you just want it to be done. I love creating with every cell in my body, but selling is the part I wish I could skip. But I can’t because what is art if not for exhibition? And so, into the bubble I go—I’ll see you on the other side of the tesseract.

Dig your own hole.

So I’ve been promising that after my university duties were done for the summer that I would lock myself in a hole and not come out until I had published. So far, I’ve been having trouble finding the hole to get into. So far, I’ve hung out with my kids (good, good), went dancing with my wife (good, good), hung out with friends (good, good), and worked out a bit (necessary.) But so far, I have neither seen nor heard of said hole. Has anybody seen it?

The truth is, sometimes you’ve got to dig your own hole. And that’s what I’m doing tonight. I dug it by leaving the house and going to a book-store (all the ambient noise is comforting), and now I’m writing away...just kidding, I’m making a social media post. 

So, now that I’ve dug the hole, I’ve got to actually get in it and get to work.

Resistance. Oy.

Persistance

I've never liked buzz-words. Marketing speech. Corporate mission statements.

They all smack of crowd-think and the distillation of complex ideas into alliterative bullet-points. Compassion. Creativity. Connectedness. Gross.

That said, I watched "The Founder" on Netflix last night and I was impressed with a buzzword that encouraged me--persistence. Not that Ray Kroc was a man of integrity (something about putting a hose in a drowning competitor's mouth), but his tenacity and persistence (at least narratively) were impressive to me. In short, the film was a reminder that no matter how many times I've tried big things and failed, I shouldn't give up.

Next post: overly-sentimental phrases of self-encouragement.

-j

Images may be subject to copyright

Demo Reel is online (2018)

After much drudgery in Premiere, I've finally posted my latest acting demo reel. While I have done a lot of stage acting in 2018, I haven't done any film yet. But I have recently acquired some footage to a couple of films from last year as well as a film from several years ago (Washed Away). 

So check out the latest reel and give me a thumbs-up on YouTube! I'm not a total narcissist, but wasn't art made for exhibition?

-J

The Fight or Site reflex

Fight or Site. Having a website was either going to be a struggle or a reflex. Getting this site live has been a huge milestone for me. It's super easy for me to say "I should put a site up," and proceed to do everything but. Shifting focus has been a really important concept for me. I had to change my focus from website designer to website curator. My old WordPress site wasn't bad (I like WordPress), but I never did anything with it because it took a lot of fiddling. So I finally decided to get a site that let me focus on the things that are important to me--mainly content. And with that, I'm planning for content. Less Fight, more Site.

And speaking of content, here are my plans:

• Cover Reveal - Early May 2018
• Book Edit - I'm sending it to my editor soon
• Book Layout - I've hired a Graphic design student to layout my pages
• New Acting Reel for 2018 - Coming in the next few days
• Illustrations - Not coming until the rest is finished. Hold tight.

That's it for now.

Passion

Lately I've been thinking a lot about passion. What drives me?

I think I'm a pretty unconventional sort of guy--if I see something I want to do, I dive in. New languages, new artforms, new disciplines. I try a lot of things. I commit to a lot of things. Sort of.

The real trouble is committing fully. It's resistance--the thing that tries to keep me from moving. It takes a lot to commit fully to anything. But that's what I'm trying to do. My life is sometimes slippery and there's a lot going on and it's easy to just let things slide or chase after the next shiny thing. Or, to just languish in shallowness; that's a lot easier.

But now I'm closing in on a few exciting things and I want to give it my all. Push the product through to completion, make the performance the BEST I can make it, push beyond what I think I can achieve.

For me, this isn't mere motivational hoodoo. It's a commitment to myself to not be content with always simmering and never serving. Balance is also a calling--and an important one. But even with the calling comes a summons: Rise up against resistance and conquer or forever wonder what might have been.